The Hard Times

It's 2018, and It's Time for Women of Color to be Represented in Our Marriage

Tattooed Barber Excited to Give Everyone That One Haircut Today

Mid-20s Punk Out of Touch With Music Years Ahead of Schedule

Grandma No Longer Curious How Band Going

I Found Cum Town Episodes on My Boyfriend's Phone and I'd Rather He Was Just Cheating

Musician on First Date Checks Set List for Next Anecdote

I Think America Would be Safer if Every Adult Owned a Cinder Block on a Chain You Swing Around All Crazy

Man Pretty Sure He Liked All the Right Comments in Facebook Debate

Man’s Progressive Stance on Female Body Hair Clearly Just a Fetish

Man Simultaneously Looks at Two Phones During Opening Band

Just Because I Don't Drink Anymore Doesn't Mean I Have to Stop Puking in Ubers

Dog Wearing Misfits Bandana Can’t Even Name Three of Their Songs

I Think the Best Way to Beat ISIS is to Join and Make Positive Changes From Within

Mandela Effect: My Wife Says She Doesn't Remember Ever Loving Me

I Think Circumcision Is Wrong Because it Doesn't Go Far Enough

Conservatives and Liberals Unite in Outrage as Jerry Jones Rolls Up Flag and Sucks It like a Dick

Pansexual CrossFit Enthusiast Primarily Attracted to Attention

People Drinking at Bar Unaware They're About to Support the Local Scene

Hard Drive

Teacher Unsure How to Write Up Student for Hentai Shirt Without Admitting He Knows What Hentai Is

Laid Off Bethesda Employee Cleans 70 Cheese Wheels Out of Desk


The Word (Sketch)

Large Sausage Pizza (Sketch)

The Rule Book (Sketch)

Listicles, Tweet Lists, Things I Contributed to, etc.

Move Over Xanax (and the 14 Other Funniest Tweets of the Week)

11 Ways to Tell if Someone Was Homeschooled

This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

The 176 Funniest Tweets of 2016

The 15 Funniest Tweets We Read This Week

15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read