OPINION: I Should be Allowed to Write Twice as Many N Words in my Next Movie Because There Were Barely Any In This One

public.jpeg

by Quentin Tarantino

Once Upon A Time in... Hollywood has been out for a couple weeks, and I think it’s safe to say the people are digging it. The film soared past its projected earnings to become my biggest opening weekend ever, and hardly anybody asked me about Harvey Weinstein during the press tour! All in all, a good week for me.

However, many moviegoers noticed the distinct absence of several of my cinematic trademarks. For one, there were only six or seven shots of a woman’s bare feet in the movie, and two, the N word went almost completely unused if you don’t count all the times I used it in the script during the scene descriptions.

There was a lot of apprehension online leading up to this release. Would I change with the times? Would I dig my heels in? Well, I’m writing this to say, I heard you, America. I wrote a movie where nobody says the N word, assuming you don’t count when we needed the extras to mouth something in the background of the shot so it looked like they were talking, and it was the first thing that came to my head.

I did it, folks! I proved myself, and that’s why I should be allowed to double the amount of N words in my next movie. The N word appeared 109 times in Django Unchained and 63 times in The Hateful Eight. We average those together, that’s 86 times I could have used the N word in this movie, and I didn’t use it at all if you don’t count the director’s commentary track. By this math, I should be allowed to use the N word 172 times in my next and final movie... that’s right, Star Trek.

Growing up, I loved watching Captain Kirk fight the lizard man. Nothing was more exciting, but I always felt like something was missing from that battle. What if Kirk called the lizard man the N word, I would ask myself? Wow, I would respond. Or how about the Tribbles, what if instead they were called the N word? Very interesting possibilities here. Some real good stuff.

In closing, please let me say it.